Then and now - the comparison
Simon Heffer13 April 2012
Then and Now | ||
|---|---|---|
Essex Man, 1990 | Essex Man, 2000 | |
| Heroes | David Sullivan, Teddy Taylor, Teresa Gorman | Guy Ritchie, Johnnie Vaughan (for his anti-German rant), Jeremy Clarkson |
| Wears | Flash shiny double breasted suits which fit tightly over his bull neck and lager belly. Signet ring, tie, slipon shoes. White socks not unknown | Designer leisure wear (especially Armani, Ralph Lauren, Moschino, Gucci, Burberry raincoat) |
| Culture | The Long Good Friday, The Sun, Sky Sport | Snatch, Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, The Discovery Channel, Sky Sports, late-night porn on Channel 5 |
| Eats | Dines with girlfriend at Quaglino's on Saturdays where they get totalled before cabbing it over to Stringfellows | With wife at Gordon Ramsay's restaurant, Titanic or Chinawhite, Atlantic, Sugar Reef |
| Drinks | Champagne and lager, vomits violently before boarding train home, where he attempts sex with girlfriend | Champagne and lager (just not as much) |
| Fancies | Mandy Smith, Linda Lusardi, page three girls | Any home grown totty on the cover of FHM (Sada, Tara PT, Denise Van Outen, Gail Porter, Melanie Sykes) except Lisa Tarbuck |
| Family | Occasional girlfriend is a Linda Lusardi lookalike, no kids. Mandy Smith is her role model. His mates are his family, and they go on weekend benders together which last until 3pm Sunday | Wife is an ageing Linda Lusardi who's allowed to wear revealing designer clothes (Gucci, Versace, Agent Provocateur), reads Country Life and loves chunky gold jewellry. Two kids, eight and six, in private schools. |
| Drives | Ford Escort XR2 or Sierra | BMW or Merc convertible (the one with a two month waiting list), Galaxy people carrier |
| Leisure | Training the rottweiler, concreting the garden, tinkering with the escort | Golf, gym, building an extension on the house without planning permission |
| Attitudes | Nakedly materialistic, hates foreigners and fancy foreign food (except lasagne and chips) and homosexuals. Bought underpriced shares in BT | Defends: Tony Martin, capital punishment, fuel protestors - hooting in his gas-guzzler as he passed the picket line. Anti-Europe, hates William Hague and still admires Teresa Gorman |
| Lives | In estate of privately bought council houes, with satellite dish and not enough furniture. Lives near to his mum. Aspires to David Sullivan-like mock-Tudor gated enclave. | Newly built 'executive' home in leafy garden village on outskirt of mid-Essex town. |
| Holidays | Florida (at least they speak English there) | Has to cross the Atlantic - Orlando for the kids, Barbados for the beach |